LOST... / Monday, July 6, 2009
Its been a long time since I last logged in here.. While checking my mail, i realised there is actually still someone who bothered to check out my blog after more than a year of inactive-ness. I wonder who's that..
Anyway, as the title suggest, I'm lost and I lost. I have never felt so miserable before in my entire life.. Many things I thought I should do... I did not do. Why? Because fear over-ruled. I'm afraid of rejection and putting up a strong front seems to be the only way out (as usual).
But as I think through over and over again.. I realised, probably nothing would have changed your decision. Up till today, I am still searching for the reason why things have to turn out this way.
Time and again, images of you and all that we had experienced and walked through together flashes through my mind. And the more I think, the more tears I drop. But I just can't help but think and think. Everything seems to be related to you one way or another. A friend just dropped me a msn message "Did you get the commencement bear last time?" I'm sorry friend, I don't wish to reply.. because it was YOU who gave me that commencement bear. It just reminded me of you yet again... and tears ****.......
Every night before I go to bed, I tell myself - Enough of all that silly thoughts girl, have a good slp and tomorrow will be a brand new start. But without fail, I still have all that silly thoughts and deep down I still hoped you did you not make that decision and we could go back to the past. Everyday, I still tear for you.. on the bus ride to work, sitting at my office desk (every corner there is sth that will make me think of you... I should just chuck all of them into a box) and even while shopping online. What happened to shopping is the best remedy? I hate who I am now seriously.
On that very wed of your deadline, the very first song I heard on my mp3 was this:
"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)"
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you
Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you
Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved
It gave me so much hope that day that I was so looking forward to 12 noon. did you know that?Only to experience disappointment when it struck 12. shattered once again. To me, that was an answer. An answer that I refused to accept. and even till today... I can't seem to accept it......
Im still the lost kid... finding my way out of the maze.
Girl... don't give up! you will soon find the strength to walk out of it and be the happy and cheerful girl once again. with or without you. either way you want it to be.
Jun blogged at
12:20 AM
